Sassy Sober Survivor

All my life I have disliked frogs.   Their creepy eyes, long legs, croaking and freaky jumping ability; everything about them skeeves me out!   I literally shutter when I see a picture of one or a living frog.   I will avoid frogs pretty much at all costs.   For example, I used to night swim with a bunch of people at the local pond…until I saw a frog hopping around on the sand.   That was 8 years ago and I haven’t gone swimming there again.       I always thought that it was a bad omen when a frog was put in my path because of my personal aversion to them but frogs in general are cool creatures.   They start their lives living and breathing underwater.   As they grow they transform into air breathing animals that live in between land and water. It’s practically magic.   The spiritual meanings of frogs are interesting also.     Frogs represent:   ·          Transformation ·          Change ·          Purity ·          Rebirth ·          Strength ·         

    When I was growing up I didn’t think my family was weird.  My parents watched Star Trek. They listened to Rock-a-billy, James Brown, The Jackson 5 and Cajun zeideco music. (weird) I was encouraged to read, dance, have fun and be independent.  As a young family we would go on short road trips just to drive around. Mom and Dad would listen to “Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me” or “Click & Clack” on NPR then let me and April listen to the Disney hour while eating ice cream in the back seat of our Aerostar minivan.  Our adventures were great. They were memorable. We were and still are unique.  It wasn’t until I was hanging out with other kids and their families when I discovered we were weird. All the things we did, together, became embarrassing. I wanted to be like everyone else. Boring, predictable and stale.    But we were/are not boring...   Dad works the midnight shift and Mom works days. Dad wears Russian hats in the winter yet his family

I don’t remember having a full length mirror growing up, so I don’t remember ever looking at my whole body head to toes.  I was never the “normal” size for my age group. Ever.  As a kid my mom bought me clothes in the adult section.  I can recall in 6th grade my Mom buying me a floral print turtle neck at KMart. I liked it. It was cute. One day I walked into class and my teacher was wearing the EXACT SAME TURTLENECK. Probably in a smaller size. I was mortified.  I was so big as a young child Mom had to buy me sweat pants because that’s all that would fit my young plump body.  I have never been thin. I have always shopped in the plus size section. I always want to look “appropriate for my size”. I don’t want to “look fat”.  Here’s the rub... I AM FAT .  I HAVE A FAT BODY.   It’s no secret. Anyone that looks at me, or a person like me, they can see I have fat all over. There is no hiding the fact I have fat. Even when

All my life I have yearned to be in a relationship. I pictured my wedding, the house we would own, the children we would have...the whole shebang.  Being a part of a couple has always been something I’ve searched for because I thought that’s what I needed to be complete.   Years of wanting, fantasizing, waiting patiently, being mindful, biding my time, hoping that things would change, relationships that didn’t work and heartbreak...my time wasn’t wasted experiencing these things. I was in limbo looking for something outside myself to feel whole.  I had to experience all those feelings and emotions to get where I am today.  At this time in my life, I am truly happy to be single. I don’t have to consider or worry about another persons feelings, wants or needs. I have the blessing of time to focus on myself, what I like to do and how I want to live. I have gone through an intense awakening over the last 2 years and I am grateful to be navigating this journey without a sign

When I closed my eyes tonight I was instantly connected. I was home again. Nothing could hurt me Or interrupt. There was me… Small, unsure and waiting. One minute piece of this Enormous Expansive Wondrous Indescribable U   N   I   V   E   R   S   E . There was you… So vast, your breadth is beyond what my eyes can see and what my mind can comprehend. Cosmic Safe Certain Comfortable Potent Joyous Energetic and F   R   E   E. I can feel us     C  O  N  N  E  C  T  E  D , together, bonded AS ONE. My Gods are here. They have ALWAYS been here. It was I that left them behind. But tonight, I felt you Loudly , clearly and with C   E   R   T   A   I   N        F   A   I   T   H.

I am a feeler.   All my life I have had big emotions but for a long time I pushed them down deep, self-medicating with drugs and alcohol.   I was trying to fill up with numbness so I didn’t have to feel anything at all.   Now that drugs and alcohol no longer serve me and the life I live, I use my first “drug” of choice - FOOD.   More specifically – SUGAR.   I turn to sugar for all occasions and it calls to me.   It is a craving that is almost unstoppable.   Sugar helps me to turn off the feelings and forget for a little while.   Sugar was my first addiction. Even while embracing and loving the spiritual life sugar still plays role.   Sugar turns the volume down on my spiritual gifts.   When I get overwhelmed by spirit instead of practicing the skills I have learned to close down my aura and set boundaries, I reach for cookies or candy. I sugar my crown chakra.   That also effects my third eye (also referred to as the brow chakra).   These chakras are the gateway throu