I AM FAT

I don’t remember having a full length mirror growing up, so I don’t remember ever looking at my whole body head to toes. 

I was never the “normal” size for my age group. Ever. 

As a kid my mom bought me clothes in the adult section. 

I can recall in 6th grade my Mom buying me a floral print turtle neck at KMart. I liked it. It was cute. One day I walked into class and my teacher was wearing the EXACT SAME TURTLENECK. Probably in a smaller size. I was mortified. 

I was so big as a young child Mom had to buy me sweat pants because that’s all that would fit my young plump body. 

I have never been thin. I have always shopped in the plus size section. I always want to look “appropriate for my size”. I don’t want to “look fat”. 

Here’s the rub... I AM FAT. 

I HAVE A FAT BODY. 

It’s no secret. Anyone that looks at me, or a person like me, they can see I have fat all over. There is no hiding the fact I have fat. Even when I lost 80 pounds, I was fat and shopping in the plus sizes. I still wasn’t happy. 

Im 34 years old. I am biracial. I’m fat and lived in a fat body all my life. I am an addict and alcoholic in recovery.  And to top it off I had a bi-lateral mastectomy, breast implants, no nipples and foot long scars on each one of my new fake titties and I’m trying to love the skin I’m in. 

How the fuck can I do that?!? 

How am I supposed to love myself when society, TV, movies etc tell me that 

fat = bad, lazy, ugly, unattractive, unloveable. 

Let’s peel back a few more layers...

That black = less than, unequal, uneducated. 

That being female  = can’t get ahead, an object, second class

That cancer = death, outcast, future less.

That addicted = worthless, dirty, useless

There is a lot to unpack and a lot to unlearn. 

For real, how can I love the skin I’m in when the world tells me all these negative things? When people like me have been oppressed for GENERATIONS?????

I get fucking woke and do the MOST DANGEROUS THING I CAN DO. 

I banish those false stereotypes and I 

Practice loving myself every day. 

I sleep in the nude. 

I look at myself in a full length mirror every night with no clothes on. 

I walk around my apartment naked. 

I caress my belly and my arms lovingly. 

I put lotion my jiggly thighs. 

I get dressed, turn to the side, see my visible belly outline, cringe and still leave the house in that outfit. 

I tell myself I am worthy and perfect as I am. 

Every fucking day. 

I choose to follow other fat-bodied people on social media.

I look at a variety of body shapes/sizes/colors/abilities to familiarize myself with the range of humans on this Earth. Doing all these things has helped me accept my body as it is and have compassion and love for myself and others. 

I am claiming the word FAT.

I am empowered by the word fat now. It can’t hurt me and not for nothing, the worst things I can and have been called...I have said them to myself hundreds of times. Whatever you think of my fat body, I have already thought the same thing too. Over and over again.

Now I’m working on believing that I am 

BEAUTIFUL,

DESIRABLE,

WORTHY OF LOVE,

SMART,

MOTIVATED,

and...

FAT! 

Because I am all those things and many more. I’m proud to be who I am. 

 I keep living the best way I know how.  

This is a call to arms to ALL my 

fellow fat women, fat men and fat non-gender conforming individuals -

• Let’s support each other by talking about our positive aspects, the quality of our lives and all the things that we do right.  
• NOT tear each other and ourselves down by judging what we look like, what we eat and why we “need” to lose weight. I don’t have any more time for intolerance or LIES. 

Let’s unlearn all the bullshit to make room for the TRUTH. 

We can do it TOGETHER.

Whoever you are,

I love you just as you are.