BLIP

I recently visited a woman with ovarian cancer during my workday. The first day she was in fine spirits, physically weak from treatments but overall having a good day. The very next day was completely different. She had terrible nausea, could barely move and was visibly fatigued with little to no effort. Her daughter is her main caretaker.

I go to care for people all the time, it's my job. When I see clients undergoing cancer treatments I am empathetic to them more since I have gone through some of the same things. This woman effected me greatly. She was so loving towards her family and grateful for the care she was receiving from the agency and her loved ones. To see someone suffering is heart wrenching but to see a family member suffer too pushed me over the edge.

I did my job. I held it together. Barely.

I went to my car after the visit and I cried. I cried for my client who is in physical and emotional pain. I cried for my clients daughter who has to watch her mother in pain and in turn suffer herself. I cried for myself and my own struggle with pain and the loss of my breasts. I cried for my family who had to go through their own grief process with a brace face. I cried for all my clients that I love.

I was 33 years old while going through chemotherapy treatments. I was in the best physical shape of my life before my cancer diagnosis. I am young, strong and I come from sturdy stock. I was able to tolerate treatments relatively well, I continued to work and go to 12 step meetings throughout. I am lucky I held up against the treatments so well.

It sounds crazy but I'm so grateful that cancer happened to me in my youth versus in my golden years. I was able to bounce back reasonably quickly. I have some treatment related symptoms but I treat them with rest and vitamins. Illness may happen to me again in the future but for now I'm going to live in the present.

I was showered with thanks and gratitude when I left my client. I always hope I can lend a helping hand and an ear to listen wherever I am but I made a stronger effort in this situation because I identify with her pain. My experiences have given me a greater appreciation for life.

Cancer has been a blip on the radar in the grand scheme of my life that has forever changed my life. My blip has radiated and touched everyone love and truly transformed me. I'm using this blip to become my best, most empowered and free self.