BABY FEVER

I have always wanted to be a mother as far back as I can remember.  I had Cabbage Patch Kids that I dragged all over the place, baby dolls, Barbies and the like.  I wanted to play house and of course, I’ll be the Mommy. It was never a thought in my mind that I wouldn’t have a family of my own.

When I turned 30 I really felt my internal clock for the first time.  It was like a switch was flipped and all of a sudden I felt the pressure of time.  

Baby Fever began. 

I was talking to my partner at the time about how having kids was important to me etc and that was ultimately a big part of us parting ways.  Since that relationship I haven’t had a long term partner. Add in all my health stuff over the past few years and the thought of kids was put on the back burner.

I haven’t forgotten about my want for a family though.  I pretty much think about it every day. I am about to turn 36 tomorrow and I am single, no children and my wish of having a home and a few kids around my feet isn’t anywhere in sight.  

As much as it’s painful for me to not have the relationship and children that I have dreamed of all my life, I get absolute joy from spending time with my close friends kids.  Over the past few years I have gotten to watch them grow, be a part of their lives and have grown into being an “Auntie”.

Taking on the role of Auntie has been cemented, for me, by observing Angie raise her daughter Vivian.  Seeing the progression from baby to toddler to early childhood is astonishing. Angie grew this zygote into a fetus and all of a sudden she is 8 years old, brushing her own hair and full of sass.  

Now I get to be an Aunt to Vivian. I’d been a sporadic part of her life over the years but now that I am closer in distance I want it to be a priority to be there more often. When I get to help her sound out words, make up games and play Miss Mary Mack it fills my heart to almost bursting. 

Ive also gotten to see Corrine pregnant with her son Leo...watch her literally give birth to him right in front of my eyes...and see him thrive week to week.  THIS SHIT IS AMAZING!! I have never been so invested in a child from the literal beginning and all along the way.  

I look at his face and there is a little person in there.  A bundle of cells has grown into a living and breathing HUMAN. His brain has all the same thing my brain does but I can’t figure out what he is thinking about.  His microscopic cells make up his tissues and organs and systems and poof...He is a PERSON! Made by Corrine and Joe. Their DNA combined and made a PERSON!! It is truly mind blowing.

Corrine and Joe’s other son Nathan, who is 3, is another little human WITH THEIR COMBINED DNA! I know, I know, I am being redundant but I am truly awed by the magic and science of reproduction.  Nathan is so fun, caring, curious, quick and loving.  

When I spend time with the Pelland & Corrado Family it’s like seeing the Universe unfold in all its glory right in front of me. It’s one of the greatest honors of my life to be trusted and loved by these children. When I hear them call me Aunt Cole my heart expands to a level I didn’t think was possible. 

So, big picture, I would love to have my own children.. But I’m working on letting go of that singular outcome. Maybe I’ll be a step mother, maybe I’ll adopt a child in need of a family, maybe I’ll continue to be the cool fun Aunt...who knows?

I trust that the Universe has my best and highest good planned for me. At the perfect time aka not Nicole’s time. 

I’ll carry on riding (pretend) horses with Nathan, filling Vivians bike tires with air and singing science songs to Leo. I’m grateful I have friends that trust me, love me and let me be Aunt Cole to their children. 

Being Aunt Cole fulfills my Baby Fever for now. I mean let’s be real...rolling around on the floor, running around outside, giving the kids back to the parent for a diaper change and bedtime then going home to a quiet house...it’s a dream! Ha ha!

In all seriousness though, I love being Aunt Cole. It’s joyful, fascinating and wonderful. I can’t wait to see how these kids evolve!