Sassy Sober Survivor

My birthday fell on Thanksgiving this year. I’m supposed to be happy. I’m working less and gaining more fulfilling experiences. I’m pursuing my passions, spending time with the people that I love and feeling my feelings.  So why the fuck am I crying?!? I’m thinking of all the things I don’t have. I’m comparing my insides to the highlight reel that is Facebook & IG.  I’m wishing for more and feeling ungrateful for where I’m at.  I am usually so busy around my birthday and the holidays that I’m unable to feel my real feelings. This year is different. I have time to feel and it’s uncomfortable. I filled up on food and sugar and coffee and I didn’t feel better. Then I started trolling the dating sites hard looking for a one night stand. That will make me feel better...right?!?  The Universe saved me from myself and didn’t provide with empty, ungratifying and ultimately self sabotaging sex.  This is shitty! And I’m mad, so mad that I’m crying. I want more, wish

I have always wanted to be a mother as far back as I can remember.  I had Cabbage Patch Kids that I dragged all over the place, baby dolls, Barbies and the like.  I wanted to play house and of course, I’ll be the Mommy. It was never a thought in my mind that I wouldn’t have a family of my own. When I turned 30 I really felt my internal clock for the first time.  It was like a switch was flipped and all of a sudden I felt the pressure of time.   Baby Fever began.  I was talking to my partner at the time about how having kids was important to me etc and that was ultimately a big part of us parting ways.  Since that relationship I haven’t had a long term partner. Add in all my health stuff over the past few years and the thought of kids was put on the back burner. I haven’t forgotten about my want for a family though.  I pretty much think about it every day. I am about to turn 36 tomorrow and I am single, no children and my wish of having a home and a few kids around

    Being a part of a group of women is wicked important.  As you know I talk about my friends alllllll the time and like I talked about in my last post, being in a true unconditional friendship is new to me.  But what I know is that being open to expand that group and/or seek knowledge outside my inner circle is just as crucial.    I was gifted an opportunity to attend the Samhain Session of Weekend Witch School.  I am so grateful and the Universe provided me with this gift when I needed a boost. To be surrounded by Witches in all different parts of their journeys was super powerful.  I was immersed in the language of attraction, deep ancestral teachings, open mindedness and friendship.  There was time to make new connections and to also tend friendships that I made a few years ago.     I have been on many 12 step retreats so I was primed for sitting and note taking with breaks in between.  This retreat was like that but much more relaxed and loose. Chatting with

cov·en /ˈkəvən/ noun noun: coven; plural noun: covens a group or gathering of witches who meet regularly. It has been exactley 1 year since we got permanent symbols of our Coven.  Having a safe place to share, grow, fall, stand tall and be supported is essential for women.  I am compelled to share with you what this looks and feels like.     This is my ode to our Coven   •We celebrate together.   We lift each other up and celebrate our triumphs. When they succeed, I succeed. When one of us has good news we ALL have good news. It’s in our separate success we move forward, and celebrate together.  •We support each other.  When one of us flounders the others are there to keep her above water. When things go awry, as it does on occasion, I KNOW my sisters will be there for me, just as I am there for them. Day or night, by phone or in person we support each other.  •We are committed to each other.  We have made a conscious choice to devote our time,