Good as Hell

Here I am, waiting for my date to arrive and I’m nervous.  I mean, this was all orchestrated by me, I slid into his DM’s and invited myself on a day date...but that’s neither here nor there.  I'm feeling anxious, about meeting someone I don't know but the underlying anxiety is more insidious.  

I don't have a full time job for the first time in 10 years.  I don't have a steady income and I'm fucked up about it.  Did I make a mistake? Holy shit...what have I done???????

Then this little ladybug lands on my hand and I exhale.  It zipped me right back into reality. Whew, spiral averted.  Reality is that I am okay, better than okay because I am free.

It’s Monday...and I’m not at a job that I hate…I’m spending time doing something fun and out of the ordinary.  I took the train into Haymarket and had a leisurely morning stroll through Faneuil Hall.  I read the Metro and did the crossword puzzle in the shadow of the New England Aquarium.  


I am FREE! I feel GOOD AS HELL!  My soul is so light and I am totally in the moment and it’s all because I made a decision to leave my full time job and pursue my passion for writing and massage therapy.

I know, I know, it still sounds CRAZY.  Why would I leave a secure life? Why would I flip my whole life upside down???

Because I felt dead inside.  Because I was stretched so thin I couldn't tell where I ended and work began anymore.

You’ve heard all about my reasons for quitting my job, let me get back to the freedom part…

I can sleep until my body chooses to wake up. I can write about nothing or something and not feel guilty. I go get my coffee from Starbucks and then eat breakfast.  I can go on a date on MONDAY MORNING...all because I have the luxury of TIME.  It almost feels like I’m doing something wrong, but it feels so damn good.  

Angie and Corrine tried to tell me over and over again that if I put my faith in Gods plan and pour myself into my passion that the Universe will respond ten fold. I couldn't let go, until I DID.

Letting go and being held up is life altering, delicious and amazing.  I am blessed to be free from the life I thought I wanted but almost drove me crazy.  I was meant for something else, something more, something that is different from the M-F 9-5 life that we are taught we need to succeed (not true by the way).

For me to succeed I require the FREEDOM to be myself and pursue what lights me up.

I still get frightened, anxious about money, fearful that I made a bigbigbig mistake…

But then I remember that I am a divine being having a human experience and I get to CHOOSE to live my life this way.  I am not stuck.  I am LIVING!  And it feels GOOD AS HELL!

As Lizzo says, it'll be alright.