Sassy Sober Survivor

    When I was growing up I didn’t think my family was weird.  My parents watched Star Trek. They listened to Rock-a-billy, James Brown, The Jackson 5 and Cajun zeideco music. (weird) I was encouraged to read, dance, have fun and be independent.  As a young family we would go on short road trips just to drive around. Mom and Dad would listen to “Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me” or “Click & Clack” on NPR then let me and April listen to the Disney hour while eating ice cream in the back seat of our Aerostar minivan.  Our adventures were great. They were memorable. We were and still are unique.  It wasn’t until I was hanging out with other kids and their families when I discovered we were weird. All the things we did, together, became embarrassing. I wanted to be like everyone else. Boring, predictable and stale.    But we were/are not boring...   Dad works the midnight shift and Mom works days. Dad wears Russian hats in the winter yet his family

I don’t remember having a full length mirror growing up, so I don’t remember ever looking at my whole body head to toes.  I was never the “normal” size for my age group. Ever.  As a kid my mom bought me clothes in the adult section.  I can recall in 6th grade my Mom buying me a floral print turtle neck at KMart. I liked it. It was cute. One day I walked into class and my teacher was wearing the EXACT SAME TURTLENECK. Probably in a smaller size. I was mortified.  I was so big as a young child Mom had to buy me sweat pants because that’s all that would fit my young plump body.  I have never been thin. I have always shopped in the plus size section. I always want to look “appropriate for my size”. I don’t want to “look fat”.  Here’s the rub... I AM FAT .  I HAVE A FAT BODY.   It’s no secret. Anyone that looks at me, or a person like me, they can see I have fat all over. There is no hiding the fact I have fat. Even when

All my life I have yearned to be in a relationship. I pictured my wedding, the house we would own, the children we would have...the whole shebang.  Being a part of a couple has always been something I’ve searched for because I thought that’s what I needed to be complete.   Years of wanting, fantasizing, waiting patiently, being mindful, biding my time, hoping that things would change, relationships that didn’t work and heartbreak...my time wasn’t wasted experiencing these things. I was in limbo looking for something outside myself to feel whole.  I had to experience all those feelings and emotions to get where I am today.  At this time in my life, I am truly happy to be single. I don’t have to consider or worry about another persons feelings, wants or needs. I have the blessing of time to focus on myself, what I like to do and how I want to live. I have gone through an intense awakening over the last 2 years and I am grateful to be navigating this journey without a sign