One More Thing...

abstract painting by Phillip Govedare

Today I visit my plastic surgeon to schedule my breast reconstruction surgery.  This is the final step in this year long process that has literally changed my life.  I am apprehensive to set a date, partly because I don’t want another surgery.  The other part is because it will close the door in this chapter.

Finding out I had cancer, all the doctor appointments, procedures, poking and prodding will be all done.  It sounds weird but going through this hell has become comfortable.  It has become part of my daily life.  Every single day I look in the mirror I remember that I am different, I am not the same person I was a year ago.  I have scars that remind me that I am missing something.  It is terrifying but oddly freeing. 

Saying goodbye to this stage of my life is relieving but full of nervousness.  Will people be sick of hearing me talk about my experience now that it is over?  Will I feel like I’m back to “normal”?  Will I finally be free of pain?  Can I put this behind me and power on?  These are just a few of the thoughts that float around in my head when I have a quiet moment.

What do I do with all these feelings and questions?!?

 I sweat it out. 

I exercise and take the best care of my body that I can.  I am so blessed to be healthy, strong and able bodied.  When I challenge my body I remember what a powerhouse I truly can be.

I talk it out.

I am so lucky to have a strong family foundation along with a network of unique and understanding friends.  I know that I can talk about anything with these select people in my life.  I remember that I am loved beyond my wildest dreams.

I pray it out.

I ask all the gods, goddesses and spiritual beings for help.  Daily.  My spiritual life has carried me through the darkest times.  I know I am on this earth for a greater purpose; they didn’t carry me this far to drop me now.  I remember that I am supported by higher powers.

 I meditate it out.

When I am quiet I can hear guidance from my higher powers.  It is important to me to take time regularly to listen to the whispers of the universe.  I remember I have everything I need.

I am scheduling this surgery for January 2018. I will jump the hurdle when I get to it.  In the meantime I will lean on the people that love me, and remain grateful for all Universe has given me, all it has taken from me and all that it has left me.