Freedom

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When I first started as a home health aide I had to become hospice trained. At one of the classes the instructor asked us to write down the most important thing in our lives. I wrote down freedom. The woman sitting next to me glanced at my paper and kind of smirked. She didn't get it. As a woman in recovery my world is open to so much…

I am free from the bondage of drugs and alcohol.
I am free to go anywhere in this world I want to.
I am free to make as much money as I want.
I am free to eat anything I want.
I am free to sleep with many, or none.
I am free to buy as much as my hearts desire.
I can do anything, everything or nothing.

With all this freedom comes many choices. By doing, saying or choosing something will I really be free? Or will I be bogged down by indecision, fear, worry or regret? I must choose my freedoms carefully and thoughtfully.

I say to myself “Will this make me feel free?” This is my new gauge for decision making. Then I check my motives. Is this ego or fear driven? Why do I want this? For me or for show? It is really worth it? Sometimes this reasoning happens lightening fast. Sometimes it is a slower process depending on the situation.

I have lived many years chained down by fear.

Because of those that went before me I can choose how I live my life.
Sometimes I buy the shoes and eat the damn cookies and live to regret it. And sometimes the taste of chocolate makes me feel like the world belongs to me.

Today I choose freedom.

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