Insecure

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Picture this... It's 2012, I'm on a first date and every reflective surface I pass I check my hair and my clothes. To my defense I did get my hair done that day and hey, I'm in a first date!! To my date it looks like I am conceited.


Fast forward a few months...that man is now my boyfriend and again, I am checking my reflection ALL.THE.TIME. I care about what I look like but I am not the type to constantly admire myself. I cannot remember the exact conversation but the gist was that he thought I was vain because I spent most of our first date looking at myself instead of him. I check my reflection out of PARANOIA not vanity. In my mind I am always thinking about what I look like to others. How's my hair? Are my clothes draping just right to cover my many rolls? Do my accessories look okay? How are my eyebrow?!?


I'm insecure. As a fat woman in a skinny world I know I am looked at and judged. I have always tried to "dress for my size" and look classy. What I'm saying now is F#CK IT! I'm dressing how I want to dress. I like to wear form fitting clothes. I know I look good. Life is too short to be thinking all the time about how I can look slim in a plus size body. I follow other plus size bloggers who love their bodies as they are and I try and do the same. I am learning how to be body positive.


I also am working on changing my inner dialogue. Instead of saying "I hate how this outfit looks on me" I'm now say "I'm going to wear something I feel good in". This is a daily process and changing how I think does not happen overnight.


I'm insecure but working in being confident in the skin that I am in.



*Disclaimer* That man is now my ex and I have been single for about 3 years. If you think I'm cute, holler at me.

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