I love to have fun. I’m always goofing around, making dad jokes and bopping all over the place. It’s my nature to be this way. I enjoy smiling, laughing, mispronouncing words (on purpose) and making up songs. I like to imagine, experience and just be a kid. I’m not like this all the time. I have serious moments, I get anxious and stressed about the small stuff and the big stuff. I pay my bills on time and get my oil changed etc. I am responsible AND the biggest kid in the class. I’m the oldest of 2, 36 years old, I don’t have any children and there are no young kids in my immediate family. I am happy to fill the role of Kid in my family. I chase my 30 yo sis in circles around the house. I’m annoying yet helpful(? LOL ?) to my parents. I like to hold hands with my Mom and ask her questions about her life before she was married. I yell dumb phrases, make up stories and E N J O Y life, just like a kid does. When I see something cool or interesting I pause
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OVERTHINKING
When I was in active addiction I was a master at making decisions. Or so I thought. All I had to do was think of ME and the choice was made. I concocted a plan where I did the least amount of work, benefited the most and was the clear winner. It’s the way of an addict/alcoholic. Now in sobriety I think ALL. THE. TIME. It’s overthinking really. Is this the right choice, should I do this, should I do that, what if it's the wrong color, what will ppl think, what do I think, am I hungry, what if I’m just hungry and I don't even want this thing/person/situation? It’s truly mind boggling. The thing is, our brains are constantly making choices all day long. It’s what we do. Weigh the pros and cons in an instant and make the choice. Some choices are harder than others and sometimes I make things harder than THEY NEED TO BE. I cant get out of my own fucking way sometimes. I overthink and all of a sudden fear starts to creep in. My mind wanders down dange