Sassy Sober Survivor

I was driving to a work thing today & listening to a podcast.  This man, a PhD in Archaeology, was speaking about his work documenting the journeys of migrants to the USA.  He gave the estimated number of people that die in the Sonoran Desert in Arizona trying desperately to leave Mexico and enter the US. I was overcome with shock, grief and despair. This big wide world we live in is a terrible place sometimes.  Innocent people die, the sick cannot get help, the hungry continue to go hungry and the rich keep getting richer. I started crying as I drove but quickly sucked it up and carried on. I was on my way to work and I didnt want to carry this low vibration energy into a massage event. This idea that the world is huge, scary and unforgiving crept in and out as the day went on.  But who wants to think of their neighborhood, city, state and country this way?? Certainly not me.  Yet, I do know frightening things happen all the time. I just cannot focus on it because if

I find myself using the words “good” and “bad” ALL THE TIME.  I especially struggle with pinpointing how I feel in the moment, so I reach for simple words.  I’m a writer, JFC, shouldn’t I be able to articulate my feelings or a situation with a plethora of words?!?!?  See, I just used a cool word, plethora.  In retrospect I am able to describe accurately and with lots of pizzaz.  I am working, in therapy and home practice, at processing my feelings and situations closer to the actual time of event.  I have spent much of my life powering through painful, difficult and even joyous occasions. My goal was to get through it instead of experiencing it.  I think that is one of the reasons it is so challenging for me to express how I feel, because I wasn’t living it when it happened.  I am committed to living here and now, yet I still grasp for the right words. My brain sees a lot of the world in “black-white-good-bad” etc.  It is difficult for me to live in the gray area and my pers